I was 20 when my baby boy was born. I wasn’t dumb or all that gullible when I had Jaxon. But I was naive and self-conscious. I followed the pedestrian’s orders exactly. I listened to anyone that had an opinion. So, I formula-fed, used disposable diapers, let him cry-it-out, only used strollers, rice cereal at four months… and so on. I don’t think I was wrong in doing all that. It works for some families and at the time it worked for us.
Fast forward two years later. Two years it not a long time in the “normal” world but in the parenting one… you learn quite a bit in that time. The parents we “planned” to be and imagined we would be is far from reality. I like to plan and organize everything but when it comes to my kids, I’ve learned going with the flow is the best way to stay sane. You have to adapt to every stage and all the changes children go through when they go from being an infant to toddler to being a “big boy” as my son says.
Now, with a couple of years of parenting experience under our belts and a new baby added to our family, things are much more different around our house. We rely on our instincts and experiences, along with continually trying to educate ourselves to be the guideline for our parenting- instead of only looking to outside sources. Exposing ourselves to different styles of parenting and evaluating our own beliefs, has helped us change ourselves as parents.
I’m not so fond of labels but I’m sure I’ll get a few when I try to describe our parenting “style”. It’s almost impossible for me to say we have any certain style. Perhaps, Attachment Parenting, but mostly instinctual, peaceful and gentle. Every day we grow and learn more about ourselves, our world and our children. We also learn that we have to adjust to changes and what works one day might not work tomorrow. A major lesson I’ve learned is to not be judgmental. Every family has different situations, different circumstances and makes different choices. Please keep in mind that this is simply what works for my family.
Bed-sharing- Yes, we all share a sleeping space. We did the cry-it-out method with Jaxon and that’s a major contributor to my “mommy guilt” I deal with (a blog to come, I’m sure). I know how hard it is to let your baby cry in his crib until he simply gives up and passes out. At the time, I took my doctor’s advice and did what was mainstream. Before I had Stella, I learned about co-sleeping and it was what felt right to us. Jaxon had been in his own bed but eventually made his way back to our room. It feels normal to me. I feel like, no matter what happens during the day, we all come back together and reconnect at night. My babies will (unfortunately and inevitably) feel fear and loneliness one day, but I won’t force that on them now. I, personally, do not feel like this is making them weak or hindering their ability to cope with these emotions. I feel that it is more important to provide them with lots of love and support so that they have a solid foundation and take comfort in knowing we are here for them.
Breastfeeding- I am passionate about breastfeeding. It’s what’s normal and natural. I have been so fortunate and lucky with breastfeeding my daughter. She nursed right after being born and *so far* things have been going smoothly. I plan to nurse her until she naturally weans herself, as long as that may be.
I know there is this "BFing moms vs. Formula moms" war out there but that isn’t the case here. I most definitely think there is a place for formula. What I get angry and disappointed with is formula companies (their unethical marketing methods) and the lack of information and education out there to promote breastfeeding. I formula fed my son. In my situation, I tried but eventually I gave up on it. I regret it and it breaks my heart but I’m coping with it.
Solids- We also have decided to introduce solids to Stella with the baby-led weaning method. She’s 6 months now and has started to show interest in table food. We give her whatever we eat. We’re not doing rice cereal or purees. This way she learns to appreciate healthy foods instead of having them forced on her and eventually rejecting them.
Babywearing- Stella is happier, learning more and much more calm while being worn. I love being close to her and it allows me to interact with Jaxon at the same time.
Peaceful parenting- We try our best not to yell or talk down to our children. I want to raise confident, smart and caring adults. I don’t believe hitting, screaming or making them feel afraid will create the kind of atmosphere my kids need to thrive. I want everything my kids do to come from their heart and mean something good to them. I want them to be genuine when they apologize or use manors, not feel forced to do anything out of fear of getting in trouble. It’s not always easy and I’m not perfect. I have raised my voice (more than a couple times) and I do get frustrated, but I try to reconnect with them and show them the respect they deserve.
The difference between Mama Cathy now and almost three years ago is night and day. Not that what I was doing was wrong but it wasn’t right for my family. We are more confident in our decisions because they are ours. We may not be perfect or know all the answers but we do our best. That’s all our kids expect from us. We’re always learning new things and changing as we go but I like this new way of thinking. I like trusting myself more. My kids will always be showered with love from their overly-gooshy, kissy Mama but I can feel content knowing they’ll never doubt my love for them.
I hope you are able to figure out what works for you and your family. It doesn’t have to be straight from a book or doctors orders. Trust what you feel is right :)
Best,
Cathy
